I recently found out about A Cup of Jo and it became one of my new favourite blogs to read every Friday. One of the recent posts I really enjoyed was “Three Words That Changed How I Parent”. Although motherhood is not on my priority list (and let’s be honest here, it is not going to be in the near future either), I often think about how I am going to raise my hypothetical kids compared to my parents. Back then, having kids was a compulsory action for any couples, especially for those coming from a third world country as it was seen as a way to improve their quality of life, albeit in a very wrong way sometimes. While now, parenthood has become a choice and quite an expensive one, to be honest. I used to have the typical early 20s baby fever, but now the older I grow the less I want to raise kids.
I have this constant fear that I might not be good enough for them. I am scared that my mental health will cause me to lose sight of them and take away the most precious thing they deserve to have: their childhood. What if I cannot provide them with basic necessities and entertainment that they are entitled to? I grew up in a strict and patriarchal household hence I am even more cautious and critical of myself. Golden Rule: Don’t have kids unless you can afford to. Children are a luxury. I may want to be a mother in the future but I need to be financially, physically and mentally stable first and if I end up choosing to be childless remember:
I didn’t study medicine but you get my point.
Coming back to what Joanna wrote about parenthood, it is essential to keep basic rules in the house but it is equally important to let your kids explore and try new things without instating fear. If you put too many restrictions, you will pave the way for your kids to become liars with crippling anxiety and no creativity. Instead always try to aim for a yes. Do they want to eat chocolate with chicken? Or crisps with rice? Mix liquid soaps? Wear nothing at home? Just say yes, It is not going to harm anyone. They will eventually learn that wearing nothing will make them feel sick or mixing soaps doesn’t necessarily make bubbles bigger. I experimented this method on my youngest brother and he genuinely lost interest in many dodgy ideas he had but at least he still has the freedom to think creatively. It is a win-win situation for both of us in the long run.