See, being shy most of my life has prevented me from reaching out to people in situations where I wanted to be kind. I don’t want a public flawless facade of kindness so people would call me a ‘good person’ like I had previously thought about when I was younger. I genuinely want to help people, make them feel understood and supported without expecting anything in return.
Working in a hectic environment like NHS has given me several valuable lessons but it also taught me about myself. When I am under pressure, knowing that my action could affect someone’s life, I act differently. Sometimes too much pressure leads to ulterior stress which can be manifested through anger or bad mood. I have seen nurses and junior doctors working 12 hours plus shifts, yet they are calm and collected. This made me realise I need to learn how to be more diplomatic and that I want to strive to be a genuinely kind person. I wouldn’t say I’m not kind now (Sometimes I am a bit too sensitive but hey, I could be the nicest friend you’d ever meet haha) but I want it to be natural, almost like a reflex.
There are several times where my kindness has been taken for granted and put me in trouble and I have prayed to God to give me strength and show me the correct way but then I realised I am who I am. I want to be confident enough to show my kindness but also know when to stop.