I grew up in a very toxic community where everything we do is constantly judged. It was hard for me to find a true genuine friend of my same age and ethnicity and it became so unbearable that I had to move out of town and my parent’s friends circle in order to get my shit together. Once out of their radar, I was able to experience a different and more independent life, meet new people and just be myself without trying to fit anyone’s expectations and standards. But then you slowly realise that some people, no matter what community they are from, will end up letting you down. That’s why I have been very picky about people I hang out with and kept my friends circle very small but reliable. Unfortunately, I have this habit of trying my best to avoid awkward situations and as a result, I would start cutting people out of my life so I don’t have to be stressed about it. You might say I am running away, I say I am taking preventative measures to steer clear of further disappointments and pain. There are several reasons why I decide to stop talking to someone but these are the main signs which help me to understand when it’s time to break ties.
When they bring nothing meaningful and positive to your life
Attitude and manners are everything. Someone negative will always try to complain about everything and show no sign of humility, gratitude and personal development. I cannot bear to waste my time around someone who doesn’t help me to grow and to be a better version of myself. I met several people in my community but none of them seemed genuinely concerned about my happiness or proud of my accomplishments instead they were just fuelled by competition, jealousy and negativity because I was simply working hard and doing “better” than them.
When they are no longer supportive
If someone is sceptical and laughs at my dreams be it career, academic or personal, they have no place in my heart. I remember telling a bunch of people in my university regarding my change in career and all they said was “Why did you even bother with Engineering?” Or something along the lines. It didn’t promptly make me stop talking to them but it is certainly something that hurt me and made me realise they are not the right people to share personal stuff like dreams with. I was going through some issues during some modules at uni and I decided to consult with the same people and all I got was some low effort answers ending with your typical “Everything will be fine” and that’s when I decided I want to have nothing to do with them.
When they are no longer trustworthy
Thankfully I am very selective with my choice of friends hence I have only met few people who ended up breaking my trust but it still hurts because it makes you realise that no one is what they seem to be. Trust is essential in any sort of relationships and once it’s gone there is no point holding onto them.
When they want more than what they give
One of the rules to live happily is to expect nothing from people to avoid disappointment but unfortunately, we all have some sort of expectations be it from your family, friends or partner. Relationships require some degree of exchange. If I am out there giving my best and trying to help you out at your lowest moment I should expect the same effort from you, right? But that’s not how it works for some people. Be smart and don’t let people use you.
Bottom line is, life is too short to hang out with wrong people whose existence bothers you and gives you unnecessary burden and discomfort. Cut them off your life. You don’t need to give them any more explanations than required. There is this Italian old proverb “Meglio soli che male accompagnati” which translates to “It’s better to be alone than in bad company”